Motivation

Ugh. I don't know where my motivation has gone... but it has left the building. I don't know what it is. I'm quite disappointed in myself. Actually, I'm extremely disappointed in myself. I was doing so incredibly well.

I went on vacation and ate terribly, Chris and I said it was a vacation from everything. Unfortunately, my motivation that I thought would eagerly return... hasn't. Chris and I got engaged in Vegas and I figured wanting to fit into a wedding dress would be the best motivation a girl could possibly want. I don't know why it isn't though.

I have decided that tomorrow is a new day, and I will start eating correctly and I will start working out the way I was. No more bullshit excuses I keep giving myself. That's my new motto. No more bullshit.

Crazy Life

So things have been extremely crazy... My Grandma is in the hospital. She started to not feel her legs, so yesterday she went in for surgery. My Mom and I went out to Burleson to visit her in the hospital and wait with my Grandpa while she was still in surgery and in recovery. We got there a little after 8pm, but she didn't get out of the recovery room and up into her room until around 11:40ish. After we got back up to the room I don't know what really caused it, but while standing outside her room... I passed out. I fell and when I finally regained conciousness there was like 6 nurses huddled around me trying to see if I was okay. That has to be the worst place ever to pass out. They kept trying to get me to go to the ER because I was pale and stuff. I don't do well in hospitals so I just felt like I needed to get some air. So Mom took me in a wheelchair outside, and I started feeling much better. Thank goodness I am an adult so that they couldn't require me to go to the ER. But besides all that... my Grandma is doing well and the surgery went really well.

This past Monday weigh in I hit the total loss of 50lbs. I was very happy with myself, except this whole week I haven't below or even near that since Monday. Hopefully by next Monday I will be nearer to the 196 mark that I was last Monday. Oh well, it's not a race but a journey that does have an end.

Bleh, I'm in pain so I'm going to stop now... toodles.

I am alive!

So things are going really good! I'm finally out of the 200's and into one-derland! ^_^ It's really amazing, I haven't been under 200lbs in... seriously I cannot even remember the last time that I was. Unfortunatetly, when I look at myself in the mirror I still see the 246lb girl. Even though my clothes have gotten looser and I have changed pants sizes. I don't know... I think it's just something that girls do. We never view ourselves how others see us. Oh well, hopefully when I get down to my goal weight I'll finally be happy and be able to not look in the mirror and hate what I see. I really hope that day is coming. So I've been recording my inches so I'm going to post them here just to see how many total inches I've lost.

Arms:
04/28 - 16"
08/27 - 13.75"
Total lost on arms - 2.25"

Bust
04/28 - 48"
08/27 - 44.35"
Total lost on bust - 3.65"

Chest:
04/28 - 44.5"
08/27 - 37"
Total lost on chest: 7.5"

Neck:
04/28 - 15.75"
08/27 - 14.25"
Total lost on neck: 1.5"

Stomach:
04/28 - 47.50"
08/27 - 41.75"
Total lost on stomach: 5.75"

Thighs:
04/28 - 24.5"
08/27 - 22.25"
Total lost on thighs: 2.25"

Total inches lost: 22.9"

Holy moly! 22.9", that is craziness! o_O That is impressive... but hot dang it still doesn't feel like I've lost 48.2lbs and 22.9"...

I'm done, I've got yoga in the morning with my madre.

>_<

I have plateaued. I'm super pissed. I haven't been doing as much working out as I was... I don't know why I can't get back into the swing of working out. However, on Tuesday I did hurt my knee while playing raquetball and then it started hurting again on Wednesday night while Chris and I were "playing" soccer. Ugh, I don't know what my freaking problem is!

I have been doing kinda bad this past week food wise as well. I think one of my problems is that I'm supposed to start next week. So maybe I'll blame it on Aunt Flo...?

I haven't wanted to blog either - most likely that is because I'm not reporting a loss. I have even kinda stopped constantly checking TDP. I just log my stuff and go on with my life.

Liking the schedule change, but very hard to go back to work after a nice little 2 days in a row vacation LoL.

Dreaded Monday

I knew I would be up in the poundage after the week I had. I'm really bummed, but it's stupid to get so down and depressed about 0.4lbs. I guess I've kinda hit a plateau. I'm just in a really... down about it. It also doesn't help that I am on my 5th day of working in a row and I still have one more day until I get a day off. I know normal people working 5 days in a row... but before my schedule changed I worked 3 days in a row max! Oh well, after tomorrow it will all work out.

I really don't feel like updating anymore. Peace.

Ugh..

So yesterday ended up being our cheat day instead of next week. Ionno why, but it just seemed to work out that way. It was alright. I haven't been too impressed with myself after a cheat day or during in fact. I get so excited that I'm "allowed" to eat whatever the heck I want. I start stressing over what I want. It's just supposed to be a fun, not caring, no counting day. But it just never is.

We ate at Golden Corral - which isn't one of my favorite places, and isn't something I really wanted to have for my day of cheating. I over ate - and I felt like utter shit afterwards for it. Seriously, waiting for Chris to finish eating I thought I was going to throw up. At that very point I started to understand how people become bulimic. I wanted to go and throw up everything I just ate to make myself feel better and so that I would not gain any weight. It scared me. Just to let everyone know I didn't. I just got home and laid on the couch in disgust with myself while watching TV. I have always said that I like food way to much - and I could never possibly get/have an eating disorder, but than again I did kind of have an eating disorder. I ate whenever I was bored, upset, nervous, excited, etc... How could I have viewed the way I was living before as being healthy? I keep wanting to type that I will never become ana or mia, I don't think I ever will because I have a problem with being too hungry and I absolutely hate the thought of making myself throw up.

I'm better though.

Approved!

So the schedule that I have been wanting since like - freaking February! has been given to me! Yay! It starts this Saturday. Now, the only really gay thing about this arrangement is that I will working 6 days in a row before my blessed 2 days in a row weekend. I guess I'm just going to have to suck it up. >_<. I'm glad I got this schedule change, don't get me wrong, however it was kind of nice to have a day where I could go down and spend time with my family. We were going to go to the sushi place again on Sunday with my mom, but I guess we'll have to do that either a Wednesday or Thursday night... :\

Oh well, I'll still get to go down before I have to be at work and spend some time with them. It should all work out just nicely. It's also going to be nice when I start receiving Sunday pay - w00t!

I'm down 0.4lbs from yesterday, so I've been pretty much ecstatic all day. I think I have finally figured it out! Sodium! I was having way to much. I was staying within my calorie goal, but no where near the sodium level I'm supposed to consume daily. Man, and I love me some salt :(.

Chris and I's next cheat day is going to be on July 16th. I'm excited, even though I always seem to hate myself the next day and what I weigh. I know it will just be water weight because one pound is roughly 3500 calories. And usually the day after a cheat day I'm a couple pounds over - that would mean I would have to eat about 7000 extra calories! That is craziness!

Bah - I want sushi again... and a martini. Haha

Sushi!

I had an amazing time last night with my best friend. We went and had sushi and martini's. It was the first time that I ordered a drink in a restaurant - kinda depressing... but we had some serious fun! I was a little afraid of having a bad weigh in day, because we ate a lot of food! But surprisingly I lost weight! w00t! That makes sushi night even better, haha.

So today when I walked into work, my manager Scott, called me over to his desk and asked if I still wanted to have Weds/Thurs off. I said yes because I would really like to have 2 days together with Chris. Then I was informed that a 3A position was available with the same shift - so I applied. It would be a pay increase and I would also get Sunday pay. I'm not sure how well I'll do with having to talk to upset people on occasion. I really don't handle confrontation very well :\. Oh well, if it doesn't work out for me I can always demote myself back to what I currently am...

I think I'm finally starting to notice my weight loss. I don't why it took almost 40lbs in order for my brain to notice... but oh well better late than never!

CW - 207.6lbs
SW - 246.0lbs
GW - 146.0lbs

Holidays...

SUCK! Seriously, the food people eat at holidays is the best tasting but like the worst for you! >_<

Besides my holiday blues... things are ok. Work is slow due to holiday, which can be a blessing and a curse. I like getting paid to do nothing - I mean who doesn't? However, sitting in one place for 8 hours doing nothing... is not something I enjoy doing.

Okay, well I thought I had stuff to update with - aparently not.

Oh! And cupcakes are the devil

209lbs!

Hot damn! I'm super excited about that... I cannot even remember the last time I weighed this much. I'm so close to being under 200lbs! Plus as soon as I get to that mark I get to have a massage! I have seriously been looking forward to it for a long time, because massages feel damn good LoL.

Yesterday, Chris and I went down to the Parks at Arlington to go see a movie with friends from work. We got there early and decided to do some shopping. Of course we went into Abercrombie because Chris is an Abercrombie & Fitch Bitch (haha I crack myself up sometimes). Then I decided to be brave and try on a t-shirt from American Eagle, and it did fit but I didn't feel like it fit that great... Chris said he liked it though. Blah. JCPenney's is where I fit into an XL (wOOt!) cute pink argyle shirt, and it was 50% off. Needless to say... it's mine! I was so happy that I was able to shop in the juniors section at JCPenney's again.

Unfortunately, I hold up shirts and I still look and think that there is no possible way that I'm going to fit into it. I don't know how long it's going to take, but I still see a fat girl when I look in the mirror. I know I'm still overweight, but I think with loosing 37lbs.. I should at least see some weight change when I look at myself in the mirror. Unforunately, with being overweight for so long it's going to take awhile for my self esteem and the way I see myself to go up.

3 more pounds and I will take an updated picture of myself... I don't know why I haven't been doing it. I think it's because I look at the pictures of me and I don't see a difference even though the scale says there is a major difference.

Stupid self image.

Baseball Bloat

I had a really good day off yesterday. Me, Chris, and my Mom went and saw Wall-E. It was super cute! I loved it ^_^. Then me, Chris, Aly, and my Dad went to see the Rangers play. We were in the sun for like 8 innings! Blah. It got so freaking hot Chris went and bought us hats, so now I have a pink Rangers hat - which I may or may not ever wear again lol. Either way, we sat in the "all you can eat" seats. So I ate like a freaking cow! And I haven't had that much soda in quite some time. Needless to say, I felt like shit afterwards. Then surprisingly I lost .2lbs from yesterday morning... hmm maybe my body really needed those 2 hot dogs and nachos... haha.

Yesterday was also my lunarversary for my weight loss. It has been 3 months. I am extremely surprised I have continued this long. I have never kept up with something like this - ever.

36lbs down... 64lbs more to go!

TH1RTEEN R3ASONS WHY

The book (TH1RTEEN R3ASONS WHY) has me really thinking. I really don't know how to describe how I feel about this book. I really do think it should be something that all teenagers read. I don't want to say that it was the greatest book ever, but it's direct and makes you think about everything you've done in life. How you're actions have affected someone else, and how you should really think before you act. It really blew my mind. I don't want to suggest anyone to read it, and be put in the dark place I'm in. Yet - I feel that everyone should read it...

Anyways... I haven't worked out this week like I promised myself - whoops. One of the reasons I haven't is because Aly has stayed with us and I don't want to leave her alone while Chris and I go work out. Riiiight. :P Tomorrow however I am going to go to yoga with Mom and Aly, so at least that is a workout. Then right back on the workout wagon I go!

CW-210.4

10.4 freaking lbs until I'm under 200lbs. Holy cow I'm super excited ^_^

Brrr!

I'm freezing my freaking ass off at work. It's the summer time and I am sitting here with a hoodie on and a blanket wrapped around me! And I'm usually a warm natured person, blah. Everything is going pretty good. My sister is staying with me and Chris until Saturday. Haven't really hung out with my sister in quite awhile, it was nice yesterday not having any plans and her not running off to hang out with friends/boyfriend.

I am still in a workout slump. UGH! So much for pushing myself out of it. One of the problems I believe is that I'm on my period, and for some reason this month's is making me feel like utter poo. I think I just might blame Aunt Flo on last weeks non workoutness! Haha when worst comes to worst - blame her :P. Maybe tonight I can convince Chris to play raquetball instead of just the normal elliptical/weights/elliptical. I get so very bored of that, even though working out and eating better has helped me achieve a loss of 33lbs, I still want nothing what-so-ever to do with the gym. I was really good at the beginning, and now Chris practically has to drag me to the gym to get me to work out. :\

Seriously - I need to get it fucking together...

It's been awhile...

So it's been a little while since the last time I posted. I am now down to 30lbs lost. That is such a great accomplishment! I had a "cheat day" on Wednesday and I am fully hating myself for eating like I did. I thought the day after would just be water weight, but it still hasn't gone away. I hate that one day of being bad led to like 2lbs being put back on my body. And I haven't even eaten as bad as I'm going to this month. I still have my father's day thing, and we're doing this potluck dinner at work. ::sigh::

Chris and I wanted to celebrate our 5 1/2 year anniversary on Sunday, but everything we think about celebrating deals with eating. It's bad when he said we should celebrate the first thing that came to mind was.. well where can I eat now and "celebrate"?

I also have been in a workout slump. I haven't wanted to work out for the past like week. I'm usually ok with it, and now my mind is finding ways to try to get out of working out. I just need to suck it up and do it. I was doing so well when I was working out harder. Not trying at the gym is pointless... you might as well not go.

I'm done rambling... for now.

Change

Well, lets see here. Since it's been awhile I guess I should so some updating!

1) Quit the lawfirm so things have been better now that I'm getting sufficient amounts of sleep
- I was having a really hard time coping with waking up that early and then going to two jobs. It was extremely nice to have that extra $600 though. And it started to pay down my credit card... may need to see about getting a different part-time job. One that is a little closer and maybe one that will be more flexible with the hours.

2) Weight loss is going good! I am currently only "obese" BMI wise instead of "clinically obese" such nasty terms bleh I think the word fat is better than obese! Eh, either way I was super excited to have my BMI go down that much. But speaking of BMI I think I might look into getting an "electronic body composition analysis" to see what I should actually try to get down to, and to see how much fat/muscle/bone I have. Might be kind of cool

Uh.. I don't really have much else to update about - so I guess I lied when I said so much to update you with! *shrugs*

<3 Stephanie

Mkay

So today I am at 19.8lbs lost! Heck ya! 0.2lbs until I've reached the 20lbs lost mark. *does a happy dance* That is so freaking amazing.. I cannot believe it. I have never ever stuck to a diet/lifestyle change like I am currently doing. Chris is doing amazing as well, he's lost like 12lbs and is starting to get all muscly and stuff, I'm going to have to handcuff him to something when I'm not around :P.

Everything is going extremely well, except maybe at the law firm. I'm thinking about quitting, but that extra $600 a month is kinda nice.. hmm I don't know. This past week I called in Tuesday-Friday and I got tons of sleep, and this is the week I have lost most of the weight. It has to do with getting enough sleep! I think I will go in on Monday and give them back their key and just say "Sorry, I can't do this anymore" peace. Haha who knows. We'll see what actually happens on Monday morning...

Eh, I'm at job #2 so I guess I'll get back to work >_<

::sigh::

So, the job at the law firm is kicking my ass. Not the actual work, but the getting up early and driving over there. I have almost fallen asleep at the wheel.. like everyday. With getting up early and going to sleep late. It's really starting to get to me. So I'm going to see what they can do for me. Maybe not work on Wednesdays or something. At least give me one full day with Chris. ::sigh:: I don't know. It seems pointless. I'm not really seeing any of the money because it's going straight to my credit card. :\.

I just need one job that pays really well, and that is close to Plano. Maybe that is what I need to be looking for. Not necessarily a second job. Closer would mean less gas and then Chris wouldn't have to pay for my toll anymore. But I'm very thankful that he's paying for my toll.. or else things would be looking extremely bad for me at this point.

Damn I'm in a super crummy mood, not to mention it's TOTM so I'm cranky along with it.

I went to Edgefest with my Mom and sister yesterday. It was pretty amazing, I'm really glad my mom came with us this time. I really hope she enjoyed herself ^_^. It wasn't as good as last year, but I think it was still pretty kick ass. Blue October still sucked... they should never come back. But since they're a Texas band or something, they'll probably be at all of them until they retire or something.

Is it midnight yet?

I will continue on this journey and be successful. I will stop wanting things that are bad for me and my body. I will not feel like I am missing out when I cannot eat something. Food is instant gratification while being healthy is something that can last a life time. I am NOT going to fail, I am not going to get discouraged if I have a bad day/week/month. That will not stop me from trying to reach my goal.

Weigh In

Alright, I've been a bad blogspot friend for a week >_< whoops! However, I was pleasantly surprised when I weighed myself this morning to find that I lost 4lbs last week! Ack I'm super excited that my lifestyle change is working. I have tried so many "diets" and tried exercising, but I never saw results as fast as I am with TDP.

I'm still having problems not getting enough sleep, but I'll just have to cope. I also think that working at the law firm is giving me extra burning of calories because I'm running around putting files away or standing copying a gazillion/million/trillion things :D. Hey, whatever works right?

I can't wait until I loose enough weight to where I have to get new clothes. Right now the clothes I have are fitting me better then they were. The problem was I never really bought anything that fit correctly to begin with. All my shirts were kind of tight, and my jeans were close to being paint like. I also still have some clothes that I have convientely put in the give away pile because they no longer fit. (the dryer of course getting blamed for the shrinking... not blaming me for the expanding) :O

Well.... 13.2lbs down!

-steph-

Blah

I'm super tired *yawn*.

Things have been going pretty good, though the sandwich I had for lunch is sitting really heavy inside me. I haven't felt this "heavy" food wise in awhile. So taking Kitchens Deli off the food list. :(.

Tomorrow is my official day to see how many pounds I lost last week, and I get paid by the law firm tomorrow. So hopefully it will be a pretty good day ^_^.

I'm still not used to getting up early, I had to set two alarms last night in order to make sure I got my butt up in time to shower and get there before 9am. But hopefully it will start to get better and my body will adjust to the working out and then getting up early. HA! We'll see about that. Ugh, I was so tired this morning I was close to not going and seriously thinking about quitting. I just have to keep telling myself that my credit card absolutely needs to be paid down. And I'm not quitting that job unless something better comes along, or it's paid down to an okay amount.

Haven't heard anything about possibly changing schedules, I don't know if I want to. It's nice to have Sunday where I do not have to worry about anything, but then again it would be even nicer to get Sunday pay. It's a conundrum.

Ugh my stomach feels sick - blergh

-steph-

Resolutions

I think it's funny the year I really get into loosing weight is the first year in almost forever that I haven't made it my New Year's Resolution to loose weight. How freaking ironic is that?! The first year I say "Eh, why bother? I never follow through with it anyway...". I finally get my ass in gear and start going down a happier - healthier path.

I walked on the tredmill for a 35 minutes last night, it's amazing how much easier it has become, and I'm not hating it. I really like the gym that Chris and I are members at. Lots of TV to watch, so I get to do one of my favorite past times and get healthier! It's a win/win - haha. I'm going to start lifting weights as well as doing cardio. I've been afraid to do them because I really don't want to see the number on the scale get bigger because the main reason fat weighs more than muscle. Then again, I am very overweight. So I would eventually loose the unhealthy weight.

So a girl at work (main full-time work) just put in her two week notice, and she has almost the exact schedule I want! Hopefully, they will go ahead and switch me and put who ever replaces her with my schedule. That would be pimp! She has Thursdays and Fridays off, unfortunately that would mean I would work every single day of the week. Maybe I shouldn't do the schedule change if they say they will give it to me..

I'm feeling kind of sick, I don't know why though...

-steph-

Eek!

Alright, so I have done 10lbs! *jumps up and down* - 10.8lbs to be exact! I'm super excited about it, and when I look in the mirror I think my face has slimmed down a little bit ^_^. *shrugs*

So last night/early this morning (like 4am) we had this crazy crazy weather. The rain was coming down so hard on the window, and then the power went out - and stayed out until around 11am (per Chris). We have found out that we are in no way prepared for a tornado or major storm. We don't have an AM/FM radio that doesn't require being plugged in. We only have one working flashlight, and no candles. Hmm... So we're going to make a little preparedness kit or something. Bah my mom (the emergency preparedness person) would soooo not be happy with us - haha! Anyways, I don't like storms so this one was really freaking me out. The whole storm was lightening, but there was no thunder - extremely odd.

So work has been going really well (both of them). Having to get up and go to the law firm makes it really easy to go to work #2 because I'm already out of the house, and not with Chris. Wanting to spend time with him is one of the major reasons I call into work so frequently ::blink blink::

Actually, everything is going really well. And I feel kind of stupid for getting so worked up over gaining weight the past couple of days. We have figured out it seems to be linked to sleep and eating before I go to sleep. So I'll start changing that up a little bit, I may not be able to help the little amount of sleep that I have been getting, but I'll try to get to be earlier whenever I can.

Out!
-steph

Confused ?_?

I've been trying to figure out why I have gained 0.6lbs in the past two days. I'm thinking it's either:

a. Muscle due to working out more
b. Eating too close to going to bed
c. Not getting all the way to my calorie goal
d. All of the above?

Maybe it is a combination of all of those together. Although, I am still extremely proud of myself for loosing 4.4lbs in one week, and 8.2lbs total since March 29th. The little parts of pounds aren't that big of a deal. I just need to keep reminding myself that I have still lost weight - I haven't gone over my starting weight - I am going to get to my goal of 150lbs.

I never thought I'd ever say these words either but - I'm starting to enjoy working out. Last night I was on the elliptical for 25 minutes (when I first started out I could only do about 7 minutes before I would fall over and die). I'm not looking as working out as a punishment anymore, it's being active and kind of fun to see how far I can push myself.

Mkay I'm done!

<3 steph

Everything is going pretty good, I'm finally sticking to some sort of "diet/lifestyle change" and the scale is showing progress! I hate the word diet though "diet food" it seems like something you wouldn't want to eat. And compared to the normal things that I used to eat I can understand why it would be considered "diet food". It's amazing looking at the calorie values of what I would normally get at places. Such as at Chili's I would normally get the Texas Cheese Fries which have over 2000 calories! That is insane, I'm not even alloted that many throughout the whole day.

Ha, all I've been talking about - to just about everyone this past week is about the website and calories. I don't know if that is what has helped me loose a total of 8.6lbs in 10 days, but whatever it is I'm going to continue going at it. I haven't been at this weight for more than 3 years when I joined LA Weight Loss. I got down to about this weight and then quit. I know it was my fault for quiting, but I do put a lot of blame on Chris - which I know I shouldn't.

New job is going quite well, filing and copying/scanning a bunch of stuff really is as easy as it sounds :P, however I do count it as a fitness activity because lifting boxes and files is quite a workout. The people there are super nice. The only thing I'm still trying to get used to is getting up early to get there and the stupid freaking traffic >_<.

Here's to another day of eating better and working out!

<3 steph

I don't know what to title this

"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. " - Alan Cohen

I completely agree with this quote, it's so easy to get into a pattern of what feels good and what is easy - even though most of those things will eventually lead to self destruction. Drugs, drinking, over eating, etc. Change is hard or else the world would be a much better place.

Any who...

So this morning I went and did yoga with Mom, I think I'm going to start doing that every Saturday morning with her, it was something a little different and I would really like to get some of my flexibility back. There are a lot of poses that hurt like down dog because it puts a lot of pressure on my wrists and hands, but that's also probably due to my weight. Unfortunately, due to my weight I think that is what is causing a lot of my back issues as well. If it still hurts after I get down to a healthy weight I think I might go and see what a chiropractor can do for me, or maybe a good massage therapist.

I went up a little bit on the scale today (only 0.2lbs) but it was enough to kind of put me in a depressed little mood. I think it might be because I didn't get anywhere close to my calorie goal yesterday (even before working out last night). And maybe my body went into a starvation saving stuff stage. So today I'm going to get closer to the 1400 I'm alloted and also work out. I've also decided that I'm not going to go over my calorie goal even if I do work out. I know that they add calories back for the day, and you're able to eat a little more if you want to. But it seems kind of like cheating to me, but we'll see how that goes.

Chris is doing this with me, or I'm doing this with Chris - haha either way we're doing this together. And unlike when I joined LA Weight Loss I think this is going to go a 100 times better because I don't have a skinny little boy eating all the stuff I want to! Even though I don't think he needs to loose any weight, I'm extremely glad he's doing it so we can support and kick each others ass if need be. Actually, just about everyone I know and love has joined TDP and it's pretty cool to watch and check how each other is doing.

Again, I think I've rambled enough for the day, but then again it's only 4:30.. and I don't get off until midnight... so I might just be back haha.

<3 Steph

Moderation

Wow... it's been almost a year since I wrote in here. Not surprising because MySpace sucks the life out anyone that gets on it.

I've decided I'm going to loose 96lbs to get to a weight of 150lbs. I've started eating better and I've been working out just about everyday. I believe in myself this time, and I am actually going to go through with it. I want to be skinnier for a wedding that should be happening in the next year or so (if a certain someone would just freaking ask me already... no resentment there at all haha). I hate being the fat one, with all my friends and family - I'm the big one. I hate it and I end up hating me. I know that looks don't supposedly mean everything, but they do in this world.

I got a new job and I started on Monday. It's been killing me to get up early and drive over there, but hopefully my body will start to get used to it. It's hard getting off my full-time job (which is at midnight) and then coming home (45 minute drive home), working out for about an hour and then trying to go to sleep to be up by 7:15am. I am really in debt which is why I have acquired a new job at a law firm as a file clerk. And they apparently look really good on a resume or something (so I've been told).

I don't want to overload myself, but I am not happy with the financial situations I have put myself in. I have approximately $27k worth of debt at this time, and have only be able to be in debit for the past 3 years. How shitty is that, oh well I have completely dug myself into a hole I just don't want to get any farther.

I realize this is extremely long, but I haven't really blogged in a really long time. MySpace isn't really for blogging, it's more like for stalking your friends and checking comments which never arrive. I get addicted to websites too easy, my current website fix is www.thedailyplate.com, which is helping me attain my 150 weight goal.

::sigh:: I think I'm done for now

peace

Stephanie