>_<

I have plateaued. I'm super pissed. I haven't been doing as much working out as I was... I don't know why I can't get back into the swing of working out. However, on Tuesday I did hurt my knee while playing raquetball and then it started hurting again on Wednesday night while Chris and I were "playing" soccer. Ugh, I don't know what my freaking problem is!

I have been doing kinda bad this past week food wise as well. I think one of my problems is that I'm supposed to start next week. So maybe I'll blame it on Aunt Flo...?

I haven't wanted to blog either - most likely that is because I'm not reporting a loss. I have even kinda stopped constantly checking TDP. I just log my stuff and go on with my life.

Liking the schedule change, but very hard to go back to work after a nice little 2 days in a row vacation LoL.

Dreaded Monday

I knew I would be up in the poundage after the week I had. I'm really bummed, but it's stupid to get so down and depressed about 0.4lbs. I guess I've kinda hit a plateau. I'm just in a really... down about it. It also doesn't help that I am on my 5th day of working in a row and I still have one more day until I get a day off. I know normal people working 5 days in a row... but before my schedule changed I worked 3 days in a row max! Oh well, after tomorrow it will all work out.

I really don't feel like updating anymore. Peace.

Ugh..

So yesterday ended up being our cheat day instead of next week. Ionno why, but it just seemed to work out that way. It was alright. I haven't been too impressed with myself after a cheat day or during in fact. I get so excited that I'm "allowed" to eat whatever the heck I want. I start stressing over what I want. It's just supposed to be a fun, not caring, no counting day. But it just never is.

We ate at Golden Corral - which isn't one of my favorite places, and isn't something I really wanted to have for my day of cheating. I over ate - and I felt like utter shit afterwards for it. Seriously, waiting for Chris to finish eating I thought I was going to throw up. At that very point I started to understand how people become bulimic. I wanted to go and throw up everything I just ate to make myself feel better and so that I would not gain any weight. It scared me. Just to let everyone know I didn't. I just got home and laid on the couch in disgust with myself while watching TV. I have always said that I like food way to much - and I could never possibly get/have an eating disorder, but than again I did kind of have an eating disorder. I ate whenever I was bored, upset, nervous, excited, etc... How could I have viewed the way I was living before as being healthy? I keep wanting to type that I will never become ana or mia, I don't think I ever will because I have a problem with being too hungry and I absolutely hate the thought of making myself throw up.

I'm better though.

Approved!

So the schedule that I have been wanting since like - freaking February! has been given to me! Yay! It starts this Saturday. Now, the only really gay thing about this arrangement is that I will working 6 days in a row before my blessed 2 days in a row weekend. I guess I'm just going to have to suck it up. >_<. I'm glad I got this schedule change, don't get me wrong, however it was kind of nice to have a day where I could go down and spend time with my family. We were going to go to the sushi place again on Sunday with my mom, but I guess we'll have to do that either a Wednesday or Thursday night... :\

Oh well, I'll still get to go down before I have to be at work and spend some time with them. It should all work out just nicely. It's also going to be nice when I start receiving Sunday pay - w00t!

I'm down 0.4lbs from yesterday, so I've been pretty much ecstatic all day. I think I have finally figured it out! Sodium! I was having way to much. I was staying within my calorie goal, but no where near the sodium level I'm supposed to consume daily. Man, and I love me some salt :(.

Chris and I's next cheat day is going to be on July 16th. I'm excited, even though I always seem to hate myself the next day and what I weigh. I know it will just be water weight because one pound is roughly 3500 calories. And usually the day after a cheat day I'm a couple pounds over - that would mean I would have to eat about 7000 extra calories! That is craziness!

Bah - I want sushi again... and a martini. Haha

Sushi!

I had an amazing time last night with my best friend. We went and had sushi and martini's. It was the first time that I ordered a drink in a restaurant - kinda depressing... but we had some serious fun! I was a little afraid of having a bad weigh in day, because we ate a lot of food! But surprisingly I lost weight! w00t! That makes sushi night even better, haha.

So today when I walked into work, my manager Scott, called me over to his desk and asked if I still wanted to have Weds/Thurs off. I said yes because I would really like to have 2 days together with Chris. Then I was informed that a 3A position was available with the same shift - so I applied. It would be a pay increase and I would also get Sunday pay. I'm not sure how well I'll do with having to talk to upset people on occasion. I really don't handle confrontation very well :\. Oh well, if it doesn't work out for me I can always demote myself back to what I currently am...

I think I'm finally starting to notice my weight loss. I don't why it took almost 40lbs in order for my brain to notice... but oh well better late than never!

CW - 207.6lbs
SW - 246.0lbs
GW - 146.0lbs

Holidays...

SUCK! Seriously, the food people eat at holidays is the best tasting but like the worst for you! >_<

Besides my holiday blues... things are ok. Work is slow due to holiday, which can be a blessing and a curse. I like getting paid to do nothing - I mean who doesn't? However, sitting in one place for 8 hours doing nothing... is not something I enjoy doing.

Okay, well I thought I had stuff to update with - aparently not.

Oh! And cupcakes are the devil

209lbs!

Hot damn! I'm super excited about that... I cannot even remember the last time I weighed this much. I'm so close to being under 200lbs! Plus as soon as I get to that mark I get to have a massage! I have seriously been looking forward to it for a long time, because massages feel damn good LoL.

Yesterday, Chris and I went down to the Parks at Arlington to go see a movie with friends from work. We got there early and decided to do some shopping. Of course we went into Abercrombie because Chris is an Abercrombie & Fitch Bitch (haha I crack myself up sometimes). Then I decided to be brave and try on a t-shirt from American Eagle, and it did fit but I didn't feel like it fit that great... Chris said he liked it though. Blah. JCPenney's is where I fit into an XL (wOOt!) cute pink argyle shirt, and it was 50% off. Needless to say... it's mine! I was so happy that I was able to shop in the juniors section at JCPenney's again.

Unfortunately, I hold up shirts and I still look and think that there is no possible way that I'm going to fit into it. I don't know how long it's going to take, but I still see a fat girl when I look in the mirror. I know I'm still overweight, but I think with loosing 37lbs.. I should at least see some weight change when I look at myself in the mirror. Unforunately, with being overweight for so long it's going to take awhile for my self esteem and the way I see myself to go up.

3 more pounds and I will take an updated picture of myself... I don't know why I haven't been doing it. I think it's because I look at the pictures of me and I don't see a difference even though the scale says there is a major difference.

Stupid self image.