Life

There has been a lot of change since the last time I was here. For one thing I have gained back all my weight, I would really like to get back on the path that I was one except I just have gotten lost in the woods. I got married on July 8, 2009 to a wonderful man that loves me even for all my flaws. I wish I could go back to that day and just freeze time, at least for a little while. Everything went by so quickly that I didn't really get to absorb everything and truly appreciate it.

I wish I could say everything has been great, but I really don't think it has. My life is not in a place that I would like it to be. I can't truly complain I have my family, my husband, a job, and I'm for all intents and purposes healthy. However, I am not happy and I think that should count for something.

We moved into a smaller apartment after we got married to try to save up for a house this year which isn't going to happen. Chris lost his job the beginning of February and banks don't look to fond on giving money to someone with short job history. Luckily he found a better paying job about a month after he got fired but it still put us behind where we wanted to be. Back to second shift hours and not having Saturday and Sunday off. I was able to change my hours to match his so we will still be able to spend time together.

During this same time a good friend of mine decided that I was too negative about her relationship with her husband and cut me out of her life. I understand that she had to do what she thought was best, and I decided that it was also best for me as well. Not all friendships are meant to last, people are brought into your life at different times for different reasons.

My job is just that - a job. I go to work, I do what is requested of me and I get a paycheck. Again, I know I should be happy to have a job with the way the economy is right now, but it's hard to appreciate your job when you don't feel appreciated by your job. What I do I do not have passion for, I don't like the fact that I know at some point during the day I'm going to get yelled at by a customer. You can only try to not take anything personally and continue on your day. I have a hard time not taking it personally, it pulls me down into a depressing place and affects my relationships with other people. I cannot get frustrated back and I end up taking it all out on my husband. I knot it isn't healthy and I should try to find some sort of means of releasing my frustrations a different way before my head explodes.

Right now I feel like everything is moving on and I am being left behind. I see the pathway I need to take however it is moving so quickly that I'm afraid I'll be knocked down and will not be able to get back up. It's safer on the side, even though I know I'm at a stand still.