Split Personality

"And the days feel like years when I'm alone" - Avril Lavigne

I've never really been good at being alone, and I feel like I'm alone even in a room full of people. I just feel like I don't connect with anyone anymore. I feel lost and unsure of myself constantly. They only time I'm somewhat okay is when I'm with Chris, we don't even have to be talking but just being around him makes me feel better about myself. At work I'm a completely different person, it's like a Stephanie I have never known comes out, and the funny thing is - I like her a lot. She's happy and smart and young and skinny. Too bad she doesn't really exist. I think I don't feel that alone at work is because that isn't really who I am. I just hate being alone, I have to be listening to music or reading a book or I'm lost and don't know what to do with myself. It's funny how much I push people away for how needy for peoples company I always am. I really don't understand that one. I never let anyone get in deep. Too many lies are covering what's deep inside - and that is going to come back and bite me in the ass here soon.